Sunday, December 30, 2007

reunion = family day = HAPPY!


the day started up with mom and dad arguing. a great way to set the mood. as usual, mom was pissed with dad's comments and us being so lazy waking up then taking a bath. it was me, mom, dad and my two brothers. anyway, we had problems getting there. we left around noon. we stop and ask for directions. spend hours looking for the place. we were all tired, hungry and we ran out of patience already. thank God somebody fetched us.

when we finally got there, there were many people; full and crowded. if somebody else is in my position they'd probably get disappointed because after a tiring hot long journey you find yourself in a small venue, no ventilation, no chairs, strangers and lame food. (call me a big meanie but its true! shouldnt have expected. haha! x])

here's the good part : after all the things ive mention im able to prove that I WAS HAPPY.

i got to meet, see and talk old and new relatives. i wanted to be with them and know them even just for a day or for a couple of hours. listen to old and new stories. say hello's and hi's. kiss and smile. share a couple of giggles and laughs. so yeah, maybe i didnt talk to all of them because majority of them were kids. at least, i have this day to remember and experienced a grand reunion.

it wasnt long when mom said we should go home. my little brother had tantrum. a real bummer.
but heres the most special part: the day ended us having to bond a real complete family.

we stopped over to buy groceries for new year and then eat afterwards. an icing on the cake!

this is one memorable day.


ps. i dont have a picture of all of us because i have no cam. if i do get a copy id share it here. :]

Thursday, December 27, 2007

just sharin'

(picture over the mirror at my bro's room - explains why its messy.)

the dress and heels i never wore on christmas. too bad. i wonder when. *sigh

things i want. wish list. i know its late. just sharing for the sake of updating. hehe.

1) digicam (i dont care whatever brand it is as long as its good for picture taking. )
2) 30 gig ipod (my mp3 creative was stolen from me ;[ )
3) more books to read (preferably novels and fictions)
4) clothes and more clothes
5) rebond and color my hair
6) have braises

things i want to do.

1) i want to go back cheer dancing and do stunts again.
2) learn to play guitar or drums
3) if i did learn, i want to play in a band or sing.
4) have work! (eventually have my own money, food and place.)

yeah. i doesnt hurt to wish once in a while. nope. i do not expect. its just for fun. ;]

i wont absent and be late for class.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

what the? REALLY?

created with
You scored as Religion/Theology

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Religion, Theology, or a related major.

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Psychology is a good minor to add to any major. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.





























haha! got zero on mathematics. i hate it. LOL. I SUCK AT IT!

Monday, December 24, 2007


Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

me, myself and i

ive read my friends blog post (trixie's to be specific which was titled backstabbing ) that resulted to me re assessing my self. ive noticed that for 19 years of my life (and counting) i have so few friends.

on my grade school, i have many playmates but i considered only two of them as my friends. when i was in highschool, i only had 3 and when i was in college, i only had 2. as i recall majority of them were boys.

these are the following reasons why:
1) im way too outspoken.
(- whenever i see something wrong, i tell them straight which often results to me being an outcast or being hated. i do not tolerate inappropriate behaviors. i give out advices and never force them to do so. nobody's perfect and im not trying either. i take risks.)
2) im picky
2) if i dont like someone, ill find my ways to let him/her feel that.

as of now, in my new school (lyceum university) i have none because i am irregular. here, in the internet i have more friends. people who read my blog, comment, people in my forum, my other accounts etc etc etc.

whenever i am at school, im at the back of the room, sitting the canteen reading at the library enjoying the aircon and walking along the corridors or the campus ALL ALONE. and some people i guess curious comes and questions me. some are as follows and in order:
1) is this seat taken? 2) why are you alone? i see you everyday here. (very common) 3) dont you have friends, classmates, tropa or barkada? 4) is this your freetime? 5) do you have boyfriend?

and other reactions would suggest that they pity and for some reason is sad to see my situation. i think they are thinking that im weird, dork and geek which for me serves as a compliment. the next day, they would sit again by my side. i dont know if this is an act of friendliness or pity towards me. anyway, i really dont care much. its better to have a companion than none.

why am i like this. i know very well myself and id like to explain.

when i was a child i was alone. there were no parents physically. either they are at work or at home fighting, shouting and arguing. if they did pay attention to me they either scold me, shoo me away and tell me that im not needed. when i bug them, they give me money and tell me to go to the sari sari store and buy some candy. during those times, i had no siblings too. i had all the toys and candy every child could wish for. play and even talk to a thing that never speaks. when i grew tired and bored of it i threw it away or broke it into pieces. as i think of actions back then- sayang is my reaction. i had my yaya's and helper. every couple of month or so got replaced by another one new. i got to meet strangers in my own house and get to know them. adjust and i even learned from them. ( i learned to drink liquor and smokes from them. green jokes and so on and so forth.) and even up to now, my life is still like that i suppose. i have my brother who dont have a care in the world except to play online games or tv. a still busy mom and dad who doesnt appreciate or notice me. and yes, we still have a helper in the house.

it was hard. i was growing up i had to discipline myself and tell the right from wrong. i had my teachers to help, guide and bear with me. (yes, i had my parents to credit too. they also discipline me in some way or the other.) They hated me by the way. i am bitchy even then.

(flashback again - example)
i ended up strangling my classmates hair and her slapping me in the face in grade 1.
i was scolded by my teacher when i asked my other classmate why she is so
malandi when i was in grade two.
when i was in highschool i had frequent bitch fights too where in two or three of my batch mates ended up transferring school. and some other girls crying and miserable because of me.
(i was always the
suki of the guidance and principal. my highschool was holy spirit school own, run and lead my a congregation of nuns)

- i am so mean back then, had no manners, no ethics or etiquette. even today, i still have some of that qualities. thank God i am better now and yes! there are so many room for improvement! still striving, improving, learning and maturing.

loneliness? i felt and dealt with it. i have feelings, emotions and a heart where these come from which made it more difficult for me. i had to set my mind to understand why certain things happen to me and somehow i had to put in my mind not to blame anyone or anything.

i turned into friends and made them like my family thinking i could replace that "something" that i was longing for. i was wrong because they took me for granted. they only want me as a playmate, classmate or friends simply because i have what they dont have. they would only remember the name "mapi" when in need of pencil, paper, ballpen, eraser, sharpener, food and of course money.

i soon discovered other means of having that "something" through having boyfriends. it didnt work out either. i dont even want to flashback those embarrassing memories. puppy love. yuck. hahay! :]]

having to experience all of this. i learned to take the pride, be independent and think that i AM alone. stop hoping and relying on others. looking for that "something" which was attention and care.

i dont have to sulk, stuck and be like that. i have to work hard for myself to make me happy or else nobody will. ill be forever miserable and depressed. i said to myself, if other people cannot love and accept me for who i am then i have myself. if other people cant pay attention to me then i can for myself.

i dont have to make other people happy or as miserable as i am to get what i want. i have my own special way of appreciating myself without hurting other people's feelings!

im realized im just a person living. im mingling with other people just like everybody else does so have pakisama. i am given respect as a human being without me asking for it. im born with it and no one can take it from me so i should return the favor to others too.

no, im not makasarili. i know how to appreciate other people too. i give out compliments to those who deserve it. it doesnt mean that i take pride that i have the reason to abuse it to the extent that i cant say the word sorry or cant forgive others who have hurt me as well. nope, too much of it would be my downfall. i very well know that.

happiness is a state of mind, i can never have anything so be content. i dont have to complicate things because life is what i make it. simple.

i am strong to surpass all the given trials and shortcomings in my life. im given a brain where i can think, analyze, process and understand everything that comes to me. i am then given a heart to help me weigh things and decide.

okay now this is getting out of hand. back to the topic! haha!

i have few friends because i am used to being alone, im happy the way i am. im not saying that i dont need them, my point is id like to have few friends that i know real, true and good friends who accepts and respects me rather than fake ones. not the kind that would stab you in the back, never there but are present when they need you.

and yeah, i have my and only boyfriend that makes me happy above all.

i am thankful that they are addition to my happiness. God is so good to me. i had many blessings and so far its outpouring. life is good and i love living every second of it. its not perfect, i know but this is enough. i cant ask for more.

im no loser in this game that we call life, i can make my self a winner regardless whether someone agrees or not.

Sunday, December 16, 2007


haaaay. bwiset ang globe! dati P50 pesos unlimited texting ka na ng limang araw. binago nila. ginawa nilang P20 kada isang araw, P40 dalawang araw at P80 pesos limang araw. NGAYON, iba nnman! wala ng UNLITXT! sulitxt nalang at unlimited sa araw 8am hanggang 4pm.


lahat na talaga mahal! haaaaay. lungkot!
this year, Christmas seems different. here are the following things ive noticed.

1) usually when November comes, malls prepare. Christmas decorations and ornaments are available. as of this year, they are late as i have observed.

2) in our subdivision its all about healthy and friendly competition and who has the most attractive or beautiful Christmas decorations on their house. now, the surroundings seem dull. its not as bright as it used to be.

3) compared to last year, the kids who are caroling every night in houses have decreased. really decreased.

4) crimes are frequent now a days. (hold up, kidnap, kotong, illegal selling. etc etc etc)

i think these are the following reason why these changes have occurred.

1) mahirap ang buhay! mahirap kumita ng pera! poverty.
2) mataas ang presyo ng bilihin. wala ng mura eh. gulay, karne, kuryente at tubig; lahat
the standards of living are high now a days.
3) there isnt much to celebrate. the country's a mess! (as i see it.)
4) everybody seems to be depressed in a way.

anyway, im not really affected. i just noticed. happiness is a state of mind and being content on what you have. Christmas isnt about the decorations, gifts, food or the celebrations. Its about loving and forgiving other people just as the Lord have. having the family complete and eating together even though you are not that much close. just one day in a year where everybody should be good in his or her own way.
i write to EXPRESS and not to impress.

(do i need to say more?)

Saturday, December 15, 2007

so many questions.

last night while im lying in my bed, i realized that i have so many questions in mind. i wonder when will i ever know the answers. hehe.

1) what lies beyond death?
- i want to know what will i see, hear and feel when im dead. if given the chance to be dead for
a day then come back id tell the world what i experienced.

2) what does God look like?
- if i see him what would he look like? would he be in a binding light? or a dove?

3) i want to know if there are other living planets besides the earth.
- does aliens exist? what does their planet look like? what do they look like? how do they live?
do they have God?

4) i want to explore the core of the earth.
- i want to get hold of magma and feel its tremendous heat.

5) i want to see the whole ocean of the earth and discover if there are other
creatures out there.
- the ocean is so vast, deep and dark. nobody ever saw it as a whole.

im just so curious about things. haha. i dunno. im weird. most of the times, i ask questions that nobody asks. geek. nyahaha!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

banal na aso, santong kabayo

bago na yung kanta ko. hehe. sana magustuhan nyo.

kaharap ko sa dyip ang isang ale
nagrorosaryo mata niya'y nakapikit
pumara sa may kumbento
sa babaan lang po sabi ng tsuper kase me naghuhuli
mura pa rin nang mura ang ale

banal na aso, santong kabayo
natatawa ako hihihihi
banal na aso, santong kabayo
natatawa ako hihihihi
sa 'yo

nangangaral sa kalye ang isang lalake
hiningan ng pera ng batang pulubi
pasensya na para daw sa templo
pangkain lang po sabi ng paslit
talagang di ba pupwede?
lumipat ng pwesto ang lalake

anuman ang iyong ginagawa sa iyong kapatid
ay siya ring ginagawa mo sa akin

hehe. nakakatawa talaga yung chorus pero maganda yung pinaparating nya. ;]


its the time of the year where everybody is busy preparing for the big day. december 25, 2007. christmas. the birth of our messiah and our savior. the reason of our salvation. the new year approaches. new beginning.

as of today, im thinking that i should be happy and forgive those people that have hurt me or my friends. let my heart open and let go. just ignore it. they'll go tired of it anyway. i know myself and thats enough for me.

if GOD can forgive criminals or the most evil person then so can I, and everybody else. who am I to hold my head up high and look down on people who have done me wrong? im just a human being. never perfect and never was. just gifted in a way.

i have so many blessings and thats all i care about for now. i lost things and but i also gained things that will never be taken away from me. though busy im at peace. and yes! HAPPY! i eat well and have adequate sleep. i wake up each day together with my loved one and friends.

and i wish everybody would have the same as well.


Monday, December 10, 2007

anniversary - 12-08-07

sunset on the shoreline of asia mall

its been a year. i never thought and even imagine that we would be with each together. just with a snap and i find myself happy in your arms. i remember, i was just a simply instant message. a friend referring you to me. an innocent chat over the net. then text mates. you were there through my stupid heart struggles. listening and calling if i was okay. soon came when we would finally meet each other. was it fate that brought us together? or was it just a coincidence? i dont really care that much.

on that very day that we met, you didnt say a single word to me. just a bashful smile. you couldnt look through me or my eyes. snobbish so to say. after days, you wanted to come and visit me.

a simple start. a simple confession that you liked me. a simple question if i would agree to give you chance to be part of my life. and i said yes.

it wasnt easy. adjust adjust adjust. arguments here. misunderstandings over there. problems, shortcomings and struggles are always present. we were able to surpass it all and still going strong.

i felt different like i was searching and longing for you for so long; waiting and wishing for your presence. i dont know. weird. even i could not understand. puzzled. and up until now, it feels like i knew you somehow long ago.

i wanna thank you for giving so much effort, taking risks, investing trust and love in this relationship. needless to say, im happy and content. cant ask or wish for anything more. i dont regret anything.

we have a long way to go but im positive. i hope and pray that this will be forever. as long as we love each other.

i dont need any other man than you. i look forward to being your wife. i know you already see me like that now but i will wait when we will be free and live together then have kids and spend the rest of our lives. in simpler words, i want to grow and die lying next to you.

yes. we dont need to rush things. take the time and enjoy.

i love you so much and these words are not even enough to measure or even describe these emotions i have for you.

shoreline pic waiting for the fireworks

~happy first anniversary dhie.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

emo rants - the much awaited blog entry

my boyfriend and i were talking about the music scene specifically emo. these past few years emo has been very visible and alive as others say but to me its dead.

for the simple reason that i see no passion in kids today really. its all about fucking labels, how cool you are, what you wear and how good you are. boasting and self proclaimed assholes. dammit! making GOOD MUSIC TO THE EARS was never a consideration and an option to these guys. and the lamest thing is they are proud of the term suicide. look, i have no problem if you are an emo kid. the problem is what you are projecting! you are influencing more people in the wrong way. and you are close minded people. as much as possible that we correct you, we are said to be "mayabang". why not google in the internet eh?

here are my rants.

emos are good in recording but they suck at live performance. its all about mass media production. where what matters most is not the passion for doing music but doing business. sell more records and influence more kids. media sucks. quantity vs quality. go to rekto and you'll find red jumpsuit apparatus, paramore, taking back sunday and saosin labelled as emo. ITS NOT! AND NEVER WAS! NEVER WILL! profiters never care about that because really. how it affects the scene and damages the name of rock. its sad. another thing, what's with crying on stage? people pay good money to see a good gig and there you are crying like a little baby deprived of his candy. i remember the bands such as texas is the reason, orchid, saetia and others in the 1980's which was considered emo. (fyi, no bands ever admitted that they are emo. there is no concrete basis of emo really but it does exist.) some of it was lyrically and emotionally brutal. and talk about the performance, it was alive and kicking! as the years pass and generations pass it on, from good it became worst. the original term emotional hardcore was now emo. just that means slashing, suicide, super sad, crappy, fashion, good looking thingy. you get to live only once and just once so why sulk, cry and live in the past? why waste it over a problem that will eventually be solved anyway? love problems? LOL. get over it sucko! love is like a game either you win it or loose it. everybody goes through that so you are not alone! you the one making life miserable. your fault. so why blame it on music? i find that stupid. so yeah, some music make you sad but dont dwell on it repeatedly and take it literally because it will affect you. also, if you wanna die just shoot yourself! why brag it? you think its cool? you think you're in? what a genius! what is really funny they claim that of all of the genres with most emotional content. read this, music is considered art therefore it was created and made through expressions, ideas and emotions of both your brain and heart. now tell me, shakespeare was emotional, so was john lennon and other bands that arent emo. another thing, its not bad that you make your lifestyle similar to your kind of music. its just that dont be so over acting! you go to malls, all black as if somebody died, two inches of eyeliner under the eyes, colorful styled hair (usually pink), too many accessories, over tight shirt and pants. really ragged. i challenge you, if you really like that image and sooo desperate why not apply for a job and let see if you get accepted. heck! even go to work like that! haha! what's with the gay thingy? gay or not its does not necessarilly consider you as emo already. its your choice. lesbian, girl or boy you can be emo. its all discrimination as i see it.

anrgy at me? laughed at? blame yourself. you yourself, refuses what real music is, what its about and what its for.

true music means no boundaries, no labels, no genre just TRUE GOOD MUSIC TO YOUR EARS, being open minded and accepting it as it is.

the problem lies not in the music but the people IN it.

music for me has no face, no image, no fashion statement and HELL no fucking demands about the latest trends.

IM FREE FROM ALL PREJUDICES! i listen to any form of music from classical, old school and latest as of today.

poseurs - another blog entry

poseurs is from a french word which means pretending to be someone youre not. it also means you talk big when you know nothing about what you are speaking of.

nope. i have nothing against them. i just wanna say that every rock star came from one. its just a bad term for newbie and beginner. you get stuck as a poseur if you just go with the flow and the trend. so yeah, know the roots and learn then you would appreciate music. you become a real musician and lover of music.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

is the customer always right?

kagabi nasa computer shop ako; nagbabantay. mainit ang ulo ko. pero xempre mabait parin sa customer. makisama ka di ba? dahil sila ang ikinabubuhay mo.

PERO minsan hindi na rin tama. nakakainis. nakakabastos. ABUSO.

una: dahil christmas marmiang nangangaroling. hindi naman sa madamot ako. pero hindi kasi
ito bahay. establishment ito eh. isa pa, hindi porket my computer shop kami eh
mayaman na kami! pilit kong tinanggihan pero sadyang makukulit talaga.

sa papanaw ko, ang anumang binigay mo dapat kusa at bukal sa loob mo. kung sa pilitan wag mo nalang din ibigay.

pangalawa: hindi porket binibayaran nila ang oras, kuryenta at renta sa halangang P20 pesos
eh magagawa na nila ang gusto nila! nyemas! hindi ito whore house at cyber sex
den! bakit dito pa sila nakikipag chat na kita ang ari ng babae, lalake at suso ng
kausap sa wabcam! bakit dito pa sila nanonood ng bold at malalasawang larawan
gayong alam naman nila na may mga batang kasama! bakit dito nila dinadala ang
virus nila sa computer nila? mahal ang mag pa reformat, repair and istall ng
games! abonado pa kami eh. lugi! bakit sila puro reklamo? kung gusto nyo ng
paraan ninyo, wag na kayo rumenta! bumili na kayo! namemerwisyo pa kayo eh!

pangatlo: TALAGANG ABUSO! kapag pasara na ako pinagbibigyan namin ang ilan. pero
sana naman wag nila abusuhin ang mga ibinigay naming pagkakataon dahil pagod
na kami at gustong magpahinga. kung wala namang ka kwenta kwentang bagay
bagay ang gagawin tulad ng friendster at chat nyemas! pede naman yan bukas!
hindi yan mawawala! HMMMMP!

ano nga ba ang sagot ko sa sarili kong tanong?


kung nakakaperwisyo ka na. talangang hindi na tama!

waste of time, waste of space

this a the LAST message im giving to those people who are spying on my blog and spreading out the word that im so evil blah blah blah.

1) you guys are a waste of space here in my blog! and yeah, also my time and internet bytes.
2) oh yeah whatever you say to other people, go on BUT that can never take away my
a) happiness
c) pride, dignity
d) my bitchyness
e) my smartness
f) confidence
g) my abilities, capabilities that so far you guys can never have
h) my writing and spelling abilities. yes, i write WELL AND GOOD ENGLISH
i) im real and righteous. no, im not misbehaving im just exercising my rights!
and last but not the least
j) i have my priced possessions - few trusted true friends THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO PRESENT OR MENTION TO PROVE IT, boyfriend and a complete happy family worth than a thousand of you guys may have

look here misses/misters/madams and sirs, i live in a good, well, humane suited and of course happy place. study in a worth paying school. have great active social life. have everything i need. so what more can i ask for? so far, im content. i do not need you guys, your norms, opinions, labels, bitching, rants and comments in my life really. who are you anyway? its the friggin internet assholes and LETTERS, PHRASES, SENTENCES AND PARAGRAPHS CAN NEVER HURT OR KILL ME. and im not afraid of you guys either. wanna try me? sure, come here in laguna. waste your time, efforts and fare. maybe ill go and stoop down to your level. do what ever you want. stupid things just to make feel better of yourselves in making other people hurt, down and depressed. GROW UP AND GET A LIFE BULLIES. you are all just talk. you guys are happy in the expense of ruining and spreading rumors on someone. thats sick! INSECURITY KILLS! im far stronger than you guys ever will and at the age of 19 i have achieved so many things that i know you guys didnt.


mayabang ba? maangas ba? wala kayong magagawa. mainis ka na para tumanda ka at magka ugat o kulubot sa muka. baka nga malagas pa buhok nyo sa kakaisip eh. haha!

my page, my rules.

ps. sa mga nakikisawsaw. oh puh-lease. give me a break. kayo ang walang alam. kayo ang lumugar at tumahimik. baka isupalpal ko mga pinagsasabi nyo, malaglag mga panty at brief ninyo sa mga mababasa nyo. TSUK!

bato bato sa langit ~
ang tamaan wag magagalit~

*ituloy mo lang gawin ang gusto mo / walang mangyayari kung sila'y papansinin mo.