reunion = family day = HAPPY!

MANALO AND AYALA FAMILY REUNION

the day started up with mom and dad arguing. a great way to set the mood. as usual, mom was pissed with dad's comments and us being so lazy waking up then taking a bath. it was me, mom, dad and my two brothers. anyway, we had problems getting there. we left around noon. we stop and ask for directions. spend hours looking for the place. we were all tired, hungry and we ran out of patience already. thank God somebody fetched us.

when we finally got there, there were many people; full and crowded. if somebody else is in my position they'd probably get disappointed because after a tiring hot long journey you find yourself in a small venue, no ventilation, no chairs, strangers and lame food. (call me a big meanie but its true! shouldnt have expected. haha! x])

here's the good part : after all the things ive mention im able to prove that I WAS HAPPY.

i got to meet, see and talk old and new relatives. i wanted to be with them and know them even just for a day or for a couple of hours. listen to old and new stories. say hello's and hi's. kiss and smile. share a couple of giggles and laughs. so yeah, maybe i didnt talk to all of them because majority of them were kids. at least, i have this day to remember and experienced a grand reunion.

it wasnt long when mom said we should go home. my little brother had tantrum. a real bummer.
but heres the most special part: the day ended us having to bond a real complete family.

we stopped over to buy groceries for new year and then eat afterwards. an icing on the cake!

this is one memorable day.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

ps. i dont have a picture of all of us because i have no cam. if i do get a copy id share it here. :]

just sharin'

(picture over the mirror at my bro's room - explains why its messy.)

the dress and heels i never wore on christmas. too bad. i wonder when. *sigh

things i want. wish list. i know its late. just sharing for the sake of updating. hehe.

1) digicam (i dont care whatever brand it is as long as its good for picture taking. )
2) 30 gig ipod (my mp3 creative was stolen from me ;[ )
3) more books to read (preferably novels and fictions)
4) clothes and more clothes
5) rebond and color my hair
6) have braises

things i want to do.

1) i want to go back cheer dancing and do stunts again.
2) learn to play guitar or drums
3) if i did learn, i want to play in a band or sing.
4) have work! (eventually have my own money, food and place.)

yeah. i doesnt hurt to wish once in a while. nope. i do not expect. its just for fun. ;]

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
i wont absent and be late for class.

what the? REALLY?

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Religion/Theology You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Religion, Theology, or a related major. It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Psychology is a good minor to add to any major. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal. Religion/Theology 100% PoliticalScience/Philosophy 94% English/Journalism/Comm 94% Education/Counseling 88% Visual&PerformingArts 81% Psychology/Sociology 75% History/Anthropology/LiberalArts 75% HR/BusinessManagement 63% Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health 56% French/Spanish/OtherLanguage 56% Physics/Engineering/Computer 31% Biology/Chemistry/Geology 31% Accounting/Finance/Marketing 31% Mathematics/Statistics 0%

haha! got zero on mathematics. i hate it. LOL. I SUCK AT IT!

unwritten

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

me, myself and i

ive read my friends blog post (trixie's to be specific which was titled backstabbing ) that resulted to me re assessing my self. ive noticed that for 19 years of my life (and counting) i have so few friends.

(flashback)
on my grade school, i have many playmates but i considered only two of them as my friends. when i was in highschool, i only had 3 and when i was in college, i only had 2. as i recall majority of them were boys.

these are the following reasons why:
1) im way too outspoken.
(- whenever i see something wrong, i tell them straight which often results to me being an outcast or being hated. i do not tolerate inappropriate behaviors. i give out advices and never force them to do so. nobody's perfect and im not trying either. i take risks.)
2) im picky
2) if i dont like someone, ill find my ways to let him/her feel that.


as of now, in my new school (lyceum university) i have none because i am irregular. here, in the internet i have more friends. people who read my blog, comment, people in my forum, my other accounts etc etc etc.

whenever i am at school, im at the back of the room, sitting the canteen reading at the library enjoying the aircon and walking along the corridors or the campus ALL ALONE. and some people i guess curious comes and questions me. some are as follows and in order:
1) is this seat taken? 2) why are you alone? i see you everyday here. (very common) 3) dont you have friends, classmates, tropa or barkada? 4) is this your freetime? 5) do you have boyfriend?

and other reactions would suggest that they pity and for some reason is sad to see my situation. i think they are thinking that im weird, dork and geek which for me serves as a compliment. the next day, they would sit again by my side. i dont know if this is an act of friendliness or pity towards me. anyway, i really dont care much. its better to have a companion than none.

why am i like this. i know very well myself and id like to explain.

when i was a child i was alone. there were no parents physically. either they are at work or at home fighting, shouting and arguing. if they did pay attention to me they either scold me, shoo me away and tell me that im not needed. when i bug them, they give me money and tell me to go to the sari sari store and buy some candy. during those times, i had no siblings too. i had all the toys and candy every child could wish for. play and even talk to a thing that never speaks. when i grew tired and bored of it i threw it away or broke it into pieces. as i think of actions back then- sayang is my reaction. i had my yaya's and helper. every couple of month or so got replaced by another one new. i got to meet strangers in my own house and get to know them. adjust and i even learned from them. ( i learned to drink liquor and smokes from them. green jokes and so on and so forth.) and even up to now, my life is still like that i suppose. i have my brother who dont have a care in the world except to play online games or tv. a still busy mom and dad who doesnt appreciate or notice me. and yes, we still have a helper in the house.

it was hard. i was growing up i had to discipline myself and tell the right from wrong. i had my teachers to help, guide and bear with me. (yes, i had my parents to credit too. they also discipline me in some way or the other.) They hated me by the way. i am bitchy even then.

(flashback again - example)
i ended up strangling my classmates hair and her slapping me in the face in grade 1.
i was scolded by my teacher when i asked my other classmate why she is so malandi when i was in grade two.
when i was in highschool i had frequent bitch fights too where in two or three of my batch mates ended up transferring school. and some other girls crying and miserable because of me.
(i was always the suki of the guidance and principal. my highschool was holy spirit school own, run and lead my a congregation of nuns)

- i am so mean back then, had no manners, no ethics or etiquette. even today, i still have some of that qualities. thank God i am better now and yes! there are so many room for improvement! still striving, improving, learning and maturing.

loneliness? i felt and dealt with it. i have feelings, emotions and a heart where these come from which made it more difficult for me. i had to set my mind to understand why certain things happen to me and somehow i had to put in my mind not to blame anyone or anything.

i turned into friends and made them like my family thinking i could replace that "something" that i was longing for. i was wrong because they took me for granted. they only want me as a playmate, classmate or friends simply because i have what they dont have. they would only remember the name "mapi" when in need of pencil, paper, ballpen, eraser, sharpener, food and of course money.

i soon discovered other means of having that "something" through having boyfriends. it didnt work out either. i dont even want to flashback those embarrassing memories. puppy love. yuck. hahay! :]]

having to experience all of this. i learned to take the pride, be independent and think that i AM alone. stop hoping and relying on others. looking for that "something" which was attention and care.

i dont have to sulk, stuck and be like that. i have to work hard for myself to make me happy or else nobody will. ill be forever miserable and depressed. i said to myself, if other people cannot love and accept me for who i am then i have myself. if other people cant pay attention to me then i can for myself.

i dont have to make other people happy or as miserable as i am to get what i want. i have my own special way of appreciating myself without hurting other people's feelings!

im realized im just a person living. im mingling with other people just like everybody else does so have pakisama. i am given respect as a human being without me asking for it. im born with it and no one can take it from me so i should return the favor to others too.

no, im not makasarili. i know how to appreciate other people too. i give out compliments to those who deserve it. it doesnt mean that i take pride that i have the reason to abuse it to the extent that i cant say the word sorry or cant forgive others who have hurt me as well. nope, too much of it would be my downfall. i very well know that.

happiness is a state of mind, i can never have anything so be content. i dont have to complicate things because life is what i make it. simple.

i am strong to surpass all the given trials and shortcomings in my life. im given a brain where i can think, analyze, process and understand everything that comes to me. i am then given a heart to help me weigh things and decide.

okay now this is getting out of hand. back to the topic! haha!

i have few friends because i am used to being alone, im happy the way i am. im not saying that i dont need them, my point is id like to have few friends that i know real, true and good friends who accepts and respects me rather than fake ones. not the kind that would stab you in the back, never there but are present when they need you.

and yeah, i have my and only boyfriend that makes me happy above all.

i am thankful that they are addition to my happiness. God is so good to me. i had many blessings and so far its outpouring. life is good and i love living every second of it. its not perfect, i know but this is enough. i cant ask for more.

im no loser in this game that we call life, i can make my self a winner regardless whether someone agrees or not.

@#$%*!!!!!!!!

haaaay. bwiset ang globe! dati P50 pesos unlimited texting ka na ng limang araw. binago nila. ginawa nilang P20 kada isang araw, P40 dalawang araw at P80 pesos limang araw. NGAYON, iba nnman! wala ng UNLITXT! sulitxt nalang at unlimited sa araw 8am hanggang 4pm.

POKENANG INANG YAN! MAG SUSUN NALANG AKO!

lahat na talaga mahal! haaaaay. lungkot!

this year, Christmas seems different. here are the following things ive noticed.

1) usually when November comes, malls prepare. Christmas decorations and ornaments are available. as of this year, they are late as i have observed.

2) in our subdivision its all about healthy and friendly competition and who has the most attractive or beautiful Christmas decorations on their house. now, the surroundings seem dull. its not as bright as it used to be.

3) compared to last year, the kids who are caroling every night in houses have decreased. really decreased.

4) crimes are frequent now a days. (hold up, kidnap, kotong, illegal selling. etc etc etc)


i think these are the following reason why these changes have occurred.

1) mahirap ang buhay! mahirap kumita ng pera! poverty.
2) mataas ang presyo ng bilihin. wala ng mura eh. gulay, karne, kuryente at tubig; lahat
mahal! the standards of living are high now a days.
3) there isnt much to celebrate. the country's a mess! (as i see it.)
4) everybody seems to be depressed in a way.

anyway, im not really affected. i just noticed. happiness is a state of mind and being content on what you have. Christmas isnt about the decorations, gifts, food or the celebrations. Its about loving and forgiving other people just as the Lord have. having the family complete and eating together even though you are not that much close. just one day in a year where everybody should be good in his or her own way.

i write to EXPRESS and not to impress.

(do i need to say more?)

so many questions.

last night while im lying in my bed, i realized that i have so many questions in mind. i wonder when will i ever know the answers. hehe.

1) what lies beyond death?
- i want to know what will i see, hear and feel when im dead. if given the chance to be dead for
a day then come back id tell the world what i experienced.

2) what does God look like?
- if i see him what would he look like? would he be in a binding light? or a dove?

3) i want to know if there are other living planets besides the earth.
- does aliens exist? what does their planet look like? what do they look like? how do they live?
do they have God?

4) i want to explore the core of the earth.
- i want to get hold of magma and feel its tremendous heat.

5) i want to see the whole ocean of the earth and discover if there are other
undiscovered creatures out there.
- the ocean is so vast, deep and dark. nobody ever saw it as a whole.

im just so curious about things. haha. i dunno. im weird. most of the times, i ask questions that nobody asks. geek. nyahaha!

banal na aso, santong kabayo

bago na yung kanta ko. hehe. sana magustuhan nyo.

kaharap ko sa dyip ang isang ale
nagrorosaryo mata niya'y nakapikit
pumara sa may kumbento
sa babaan lang po sabi ng tsuper kase me naghuhuli
mura pa rin nang mura ang ale

banal na aso, santong kabayo
natatawa ako hihihihi
banal na aso, santong kabayo
natatawa ako hihihihi
sa 'yo

nangangaral sa kalye ang isang lalake
hiningan ng pera ng batang pulubi
pasensya na para daw sa templo
pangkain lang po sabi ng paslit
talagang di ba pupwede?
lumipat ng pwesto ang lalake

anuman ang iyong ginagawa sa iyong kapatid
ay siya ring ginagawa mo sa akin

hehe. nakakatawa talaga yung chorus pero maganda yung pinaparating nya. ;]

MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :]

its the time of the year where everybody is busy preparing for the big day. december 25, 2007. christmas. the birth of our messiah and our savior. the reason of our salvation. the new year approaches. new beginning.

as of today, im thinking that i should be happy and forgive those people that have hurt me or my friends. let my heart open and let go. just ignore it. they'll go tired of it anyway. i know myself and thats enough for me.

if GOD can forgive criminals or the most evil person then so can I, and everybody else. who am I to hold my head up high and look down on people who have done me wrong? im just a human being. never perfect and never was. just gifted in a way.

i have so many blessings and thats all i care about for now. i lost things and but i also gained things that will never be taken away from me. though busy im at peace. and yes! HAPPY! i eat well and have adequate sleep. i wake up each day together with my loved one and friends.

and i wish everybody would have the same as well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! ;]

anniversary - 12-08-07

sunset on the shoreline of asia mall

its been a year. i never thought and even imagine that we would be with each together. just with a snap and i find myself happy in your arms. i remember, i was just a simply instant message. a friend referring you to me. an innocent chat over the net. then text mates. you were there through my stupid heart struggles. listening and calling if i was okay. soon came when we would finally meet each other. was it fate that brought us together? or was it just a coincidence? i dont really care that much.

on that very day that we met, you didnt say a single word to me. just a bashful smile. you couldnt look through me or my eyes. snobbish so to say. after days, you wanted to come and visit me.

a simple start. a simple confession that you liked me. a simple question if i would agree to give you chance to be part of my life. and i said yes.

it wasnt easy. adjust adjust adjust. arguments here. misunderstandings over there. problems, shortcomings and struggles are always present. we were able to surpass it all and still going strong.

i felt different like i was searching and longing for you for so long; waiting and wishing for your presence. i dont know. weird. even i could not understand. puzzled. and up until now, it feels like i knew you somehow long ago.

i wanna thank you for giving so much effort, taking risks, investing trust and love in this relationship. needless to say, im happy and content. cant ask or wish for anything more. i dont regret anything.

we have a long way to go but im positive. i hope and pray that this will be forever. as long as we love each other.

i dont need any other man than you. i look forward to being your wife. i know you already see me like that now but i will wait when we will be free and live together then have kids and spend the rest of our lives. in simpler words, i want to grow and die lying next to you.

yes. we dont need to rush things. take the time and enjoy.

i love you so much and these words are not even enough to measure or even describe these emotions i have for you.

shoreline pic waiting for the fireworks

~happy first anniversary dhie.

emo rants - the much awaited blog entry

my boyfriend and i were talking about the music scene specifically emo. these past few years emo has been very visible and alive as others say but to me its dead.

EMO
for the simple reason that i see no passion in kids today really. its all about fucking labels, how cool you are, what you wear and how good you are. boasting and self proclaimed assholes. dammit! making GOOD MUSIC TO THE EARS was never a consideration and an option to these guys. and the lamest thing is they are proud of the term suicide. look, i have no problem if you are an emo kid. the problem is what you are projecting! you are influencing more people in the wrong way. and you are close minded people. as much as possible that we correct you, we are said to be "mayabang". why not google in the internet eh?

here are my rants.

emos are good in recording but they suck at live performance. its all about mass media production. where what matters most is not the passion for doing music but doing business. sell more records and influence more kids. media sucks. quantity vs quality. go to rekto and you'll find red jumpsuit apparatus, paramore, taking back sunday and saosin labelled as emo. ITS NOT! AND NEVER WAS! NEVER WILL! profiters never care about that because really. how it affects the scene and damages the name of rock. its sad. another thing, what's with crying on stage? people pay good money to see a good gig and there you are crying like a little baby deprived of his candy. i remember the bands such as texas is the reason, orchid, saetia and others in the 1980's which was considered emo. (fyi, no bands ever admitted that they are emo. there is no concrete basis of emo really but it does exist.) some of it was lyrically and emotionally brutal. and talk about the performance, it was alive and kicking! as the years pass and generations pass it on, from good it became worst. the original term emotional hardcore was now emo. just that means slashing, suicide, super sad, crappy, fashion, good looking thingy. you get to live only once and just once so why sulk, cry and live in the past? why waste it over a problem that will eventually be solved anyway? love problems? LOL. get over it sucko! love is like a game either you win it or loose it. everybody goes through that so you are not alone! you the one making life miserable. your fault. so why blame it on music? i find that stupid. so yeah, some music make you sad but dont dwell on it repeatedly and take it literally because it will affect you. also, if you wanna die just shoot yourself! why brag it? you think its cool? you think you're in? what a genius! what is really funny they claim that of all of the genres with most emotional content. read this, music is considered art therefore it was created and made through expressions, ideas and emotions of both your brain and heart. now tell me, shakespeare was emotional, so was john lennon and other bands that arent emo. another thing, its not bad that you make your lifestyle similar to your kind of music. its just that dont be so over acting! you go to malls, all black as if somebody died, two inches of eyeliner under the eyes, colorful styled hair (usually pink), too many accessories, over tight shirt and pants. really ragged. i challenge you, if you really like that image and sooo desperate why not apply for a job and let see if you get accepted. heck! even go to work like that! haha! what's with the gay thingy? gay or not its does not necessarilly consider you as emo already. its your choice. lesbian, girl or boy you can be emo. its all discrimination as i see it.

anrgy at me? laughed at? blame yourself. you yourself, refuses what real music is, what its about and what its for.

true music means no boundaries, no labels, no genre just TRUE GOOD MUSIC TO YOUR EARS, being open minded and accepting it as it is.

the problem lies not in the music but the people IN it.

music for me has no face, no image, no fashion statement and HELL no fucking demands about the latest trends.

IM FREE FROM ALL PREJUDICES! i listen to any form of music from classical, old school and latest as of today.

poseurs - another blog entry

poseurs is from a french word which means pretending to be someone youre not. it also means you talk big when you know nothing about what you are speaking of.

nope. i have nothing against them. i just wanna say that every rock star came from one. its just a bad term for newbie and beginner. you get stuck as a poseur if you just go with the flow and the trend. so yeah, know the roots and learn then you would appreciate music. you become a real musician and lover of music.

is the customer always right?

kagabi nasa computer shop ako; nagbabantay. mainit ang ulo ko. pero xempre mabait parin sa customer. makisama ka di ba? dahil sila ang ikinabubuhay mo.

PERO minsan hindi na rin tama. nakakainis. nakakabastos. ABUSO.

una: dahil christmas marmiang nangangaroling. hindi naman sa madamot ako. pero hindi kasi
ito bahay. establishment ito eh. isa pa, hindi porket my computer shop kami eh
mayaman na kami! pilit kong tinanggihan pero sadyang makukulit talaga.

sa papanaw ko, ang anumang binigay mo dapat kusa at bukal sa loob mo. kung sa pilitan wag mo nalang din ibigay.

pangalawa: hindi porket binibayaran nila ang oras, kuryenta at renta sa halangang P20 pesos
eh magagawa na nila ang gusto nila! nyemas! hindi ito whore house at cyber sex
den! bakit dito pa sila nakikipag chat na kita ang ari ng babae, lalake at suso ng
kausap sa wabcam! bakit dito pa sila nanonood ng bold at malalasawang larawan
gayong alam naman nila na may mga batang kasama! bakit dito nila dinadala ang
virus nila sa computer nila? mahal ang mag pa reformat, repair and istall ng
games! abonado pa kami eh. lugi! bakit sila puro reklamo? kung gusto nyo ng
paraan ninyo, wag na kayo rumenta! bumili na kayo! namemerwisyo pa kayo eh!

pangatlo: TALAGANG ABUSO! kapag pasara na ako pinagbibigyan namin ang ilan. pero
sana naman wag nila abusuhin ang mga ibinigay naming pagkakataon dahil pagod
na kami at gustong magpahinga. kung wala namang ka kwenta kwentang bagay
bagay ang gagawin tulad ng friendster at chat nyemas! pede naman yan bukas!
hindi yan mawawala! HMMMMP!

ano nga ba ang sagot ko sa sarili kong tanong?

THE CUSTOMER IS RIGHT PROVIDED HE/SHE DOES NOT VIOLATE THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS.

kung nakakaperwisyo ka na. talangang hindi na tama!

waste of time, waste of space

this a the LAST message im giving to those people who are spying on my blog and spreading out the word that im so evil blah blah blah.

1) you guys are a waste of space here in my blog! and yeah, also my time and internet bytes.
2) oh yeah whatever you say to other people, go on BUT that can never take away my
a) happiness
b) BEAUTY
c) pride, dignity
d) my bitchyness
e) my smartness
f) confidence
g) my abilities, capabilities that so far you guys can never have
h) my writing and spelling abilities. yes, i write WELL AND GOOD ENGLISH
WITH FEW GRAMMATICAL ERRORS OR MISSPELLINGS. im proud of that! :]
i) im real and righteous. no, im not misbehaving im just exercising my rights!
and last but not the least

j) i have my priced possessions - few trusted true friends THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO PRESENT OR MENTION TO PROVE IT, boyfriend and a complete happy family worth than a thousand of you guys may have

look here misses/misters/madams and sirs, i live in a good, well, humane suited and of course happy place. study in a worth paying school. have great active social life. have everything i need. so what more can i ask for? so far, im content. i do not need you guys, your norms, opinions, labels, bitching, rants and comments in my life really. who are you anyway? its the friggin internet assholes and LETTERS, PHRASES, SENTENCES AND PARAGRAPHS CAN NEVER HURT OR KILL ME. and im not afraid of you guys either. wanna try me? sure, come here in laguna. waste your time, efforts and fare. maybe ill go and stoop down to your level. do what ever you want. stupid things just to make feel better of yourselves in making other people hurt, down and depressed. GROW UP AND GET A LIFE BULLIES. you are all just talk. you guys are happy in the expense of ruining and spreading rumors on someone. thats sick! INSECURITY KILLS! im far stronger than you guys ever will and at the age of 19 i have achieved so many things that i know you guys didnt.

CANT BREAK ME. :]

mayabang ba? maangas ba? wala kayong magagawa. mainis ka na para tumanda ka at magka ugat o kulubot sa muka. baka nga malagas pa buhok nyo sa kakaisip eh. haha!

my page, my rules.
CANT STOP ME EITHER.

ps. sa mga nakikisawsaw. oh puh-lease. give me a break. kayo ang walang alam. kayo ang lumugar at tumahimik. baka isupalpal ko mga pinagsasabi nyo, malaglag mga panty at brief ninyo sa mga mababasa nyo. TSUK!

bato bato sa langit ~
ang tamaan wag magagalit~

*ituloy mo lang gawin ang gusto mo / walang mangyayari kung sila'y papansinin mo.

the lounge issue with me.

my post:

Dear Diary,

im happy! haha! i am relieved of my duties and responsibilties. hindi ko na kailangang mamahiya at manita. hindi ko na kailangang tumingin sa mga boards na di ko trip at magbasa ng mga useless posts ng iba. WHOOO! freedom. sweet sweet sweet freedom! yeah, hindi pa official pero ayoko na magtrabaho. im on STRIKE. haha! LOL. as if papansinin? well, im hope other people will be happy as well. they(go figure kung sino yun. clue? 3 sila.) did get what they wanted which is for my friend to leave. TSUK! haha. may masasapul? bato bato sa langit ang tamaan wag magagalit. inis? SUE ME. STAB ME. x] haha! oh yeah. I LOVE IT. WHOOO! mamatay na sa inis ang iba dyan. basta ako. MASAYA. i know. im bitchy. wink! haha!

LOL. gumawa pala ng napakalaking gulo ang post ko. isang post lang damay na lahat! hahahahaha! eto ang ilan.

mei:

DEAR DIARY,

THIS ISN'T THE PROPER VENUE FOR THIS BUT THIS IS WHERE THEY WANTED IT.

-and do you think the what have you learned thread is not a proper place too? bat kayo nakakapost ako hindi? unfair di ba? its a dear diary thread. and i can say whatever i want. i was not violating any rules as i recall. you people are just afraid that the people in banidad will know whats happening. haha!

THIS WILL BE THE 1ST AND LAST TIME I SHALL COMMENT ABOUT THE ISSUES HERE AND I DON'T CARE IF I'LL GET A WARNING OR A SUSPENSION FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS, OT, ETC.

1st. to kissy,

i couldn't apologize to you more for not being able to defend you when you needed my help. i know you went through a lot for banidad esp against those people who are pestering us, but i wasn't able to help you. i'm really sorry for that.. i love you and i wanna thank you for everything you did.. you are a tough person and i envy you for that. i'm proud to have someone like you in my life. kayo ni bakla. hehe! hindi lang talaga alam ng mga tao ang totoong nangyayari kaya they judge you or us na kesyo mataray daw tayo, judgmental, bitch, suplada etc. don't mind them nalang. if they knew what's going on, malamang hindi din sila makakapagtimipi. pero SANA TUMAHIMIK NA SILA. annoying na e.

-bat kayo? hindi ba kayo nanghuhusga? LOL. what a hypocrite.

to those people, pls lang?SHUT THE HELL UP! DAHIL HINDI NYO ALAM MGA SINASABI NYO! at wag si kissy ang pag-initan nyo kundi yung magaling nyong kaibigan na walang ginawa sa buhay kundi mag-inarte at guluhin ang buhay na may buhay!

-kelan ko pinag initan si kissy? meron bang nakapost na kissy na post ko? 3 ang sabi kong dahilan ng pagalis nya. hina mo pimick up. sino ba siya para pag initan ko?

2nd. to mapi,

WE never asked for your dear friend to leave. SIYA ang kusang umalis. at akala ko ba e tapos na tong issue na to? it was her letting go and moving on drama, diba? personally, if i wanted her to go, sinabi ko nalang ng deretsuhan sa kanya. for what she did to us sa tingin mo hindi ko kakayanin na prankahin sya na umalis sya dito? oh hell no- trust me, that's the slightest thing na pwede kong sabihin sa kanya sa galit ko sa kanya.. and no, not because i'm ungrateful to her for bringing me here or i'm a bitch or whatever.. but i didn't said anything diba? i never confronted her. i just didn't do it dahil inisip ko nalang somehow she was a friend to me too. at kahit konti, i respected her nalang as someone who's in the position. pero ano ginawa nya? imbis na tumigil sya e naging habitual lying na.. and for what? to win our sympathy? PATHETHIC!!! i will never join her pity party! take her lil fiasco in the banks where it fits! at lagi nya pang ginugulo mga kaibigan ko na may sariling buhay at nanahimik! when she confronted me why i was ignoring her all of a sudden, may narinig sya sakin? wala. what for pa na malaman nya? and during the time she said hateful words to me, may sinabi ba ko na masama sa kanya? not a word, nothing. nada. zilch. sa lahat ng galit ko, i shut up eh.. dahil yun ang civilized way to deal with those kind of people.. tapos, ako pa ngayon masisisi sa pag-alis nya? bakit? dahil i didn't join her little drama?

- ang tanging alam nyo lang ay ang sally issue. yan lang ang pinag basehan nyo ng katotohanan. parehong alam ko ang kwento. nakausap ko pareho ang dalawang side. kaya wag mo sabihin sakin na wala akong alam.

-theres always two sides of the story.

-sino ba may sabi sayo na sumali ka? may nagpapasali ba? wala. ikaw lang ang nagsasabi nyan.

- shut up? LOL. eh kayo? puro kayo parinig. hindi kami mga tanga.

- ginugulo nya? umalis na nga eh. ano pang ginugulo? grabe mga imahinasyon at ilusyon nyo ah.

i just can't take all of these anymore! you people have crossed the line! si kissy. for everything she did to banidad, sya lagi ang sinisisi ng mga tao, sya ang napapasama sa lahat, na dapat yang dear friend mo ang umaayos ng gulo dito. imbis na magpasalamat sya, ano ginawa nya? wala syang naging imik sa kahit anong unos na dinaanan ng banidad. si kissy lahat ang umayos. galit na galit ako dyan sa kaibigan mong magaling for what she did to her.. pero did i ever confronted her for that? NEVER! ikaw, alam mo ba hirap ni kissy sa banidad? na makapagparinig ka against her e parang napakatagal mo na dito at alam mo lahat2!

-crossed the line? and you guys didnt? you guys are considered administrators and global moderators and you use the board for parinig? wow. galing nyong pumuna sa mali ng iba pero pag mali nyo na. wala na. kissy that. kissy this. pake ko ba sa kanya? LOL. may sinabi ba akong pangalan na kissy. GUILTY?

not you. or her or whosoever has the right to disrespect kissy or me or anybody here. kahit wala kaming posisyon e. the hell with being a moderator! bilang tao nalang e. sino ba kayo? unless you're the one who's putting food in my mouth, then you don't even have the single right na gawin to samin. dahil trip nyo lang and bitch kayo? you don't wanna know how bitchy i can get too. ni wala nga kayong alam sa mga pinagagagawa ng kaibigan nyo na pinagtatanggol nyo e. kaya pwede? LEAVE US ALONE!

- kelan ko ba binastos si kissy? ako nga ang nababastos eh. lagi nyong dinedelete ang post ko ng walang paalam. ano to? baligtaran? gago ka ba? minura ko ba siya? OA mo. KELAN KO BA KAYO PINAKEALAMAN? nagagawa nyo nga gusto nyo eh di ba?

kissy

Dear Diary,

I told you I am not happy here na diba? I already had my quiet time then why all of a sudden there is a commotion again? I've leave the team because I think that I am not capable of doing my responsibility and I wanted to have peace of mind. Why they can't just let me be alone? I am thanking to have ate mei to be there to stand for me. I know who am I and I know to myself that I stand for what is Good for Banidad. I already had my time serving this forum and I think I have the right to do what makes me happy and that is to be a regular member. Well at least I am happy and I am enjoying my time =) Hindi po kami tatlo.. apat po kami.. Cheesy And I am very much happy to have friends na hindi sinungaling. At least my friends are not pathetic.

- sino ba kasing nakekealam sayo? ni hindi nga kita kinakausap sa ym dyan eh. walang kahit ano. baka guni guni mo lang yan. o baka naman paranoid ka na. para kang baliw eh. may tililing. ano ba yan. kung masaya ka sa pagiging member mo sure. pero maraming natuwa sa pagka alis mo. isa na ako duon.

-taas naman ng lipad mo. hindi ka superstar.

- sinungaling. NOW THATS JUDGING. haha! tapos sasabihin nyo kami ang nanghuhusga. its the other way around honey.

lexxis

What's this mapi? anong gusto mong palabasin? i thought we talked about this? wag mo nang idamay ang banidad. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Dear Diary,

Sorry for the OT. Don't worry. I'll be cleaning up this mess. I take all responsibility.

-LOL. nagpost lang ako. yun lang. paano ko dinamay ang banidad? if theres something going on in banidad. the members have the right to know. ang happy happy kunware tapos hindi naman pala. para nyo silang tinatraydor.

with a single post, i gained a lot of irked people. haha! nakakatuwa noh? mga pikon. simple lang sinabi ko. pinalaki nyo.

ang sabi ko lang sa dear diary. masaya ako at sana masaya na rin kayo dahil nangaubos ang banidad people. i didnt mention any names. i gave a clue. tinamaan naman kayong lahat. haha! wala kayong magagawa kung trip ko. as long as i do not violate any rules, im gonna say the hell what ever i want. its the internet. and i love bullshitting other people. its as simple as that. at hindi ako magbabago para sa inyo noh.

haha! i told you so! >:]

You Are 71% Bitchy

While you may not think of yourself as the ice queen, admit it, you're often in a bad mood. And it's those around you who often bear the brunt of your annoyance, even if they haven't done anything wrong!

How Bitchy Are You?

you can never really tell if a person has ethics or not. define ethics.

ethics (noun) - a set of principles of right conduct.

yeah. were in the internet so wheres the ethics? its called netiquette.

netiquette (noun) - etiquette practiced or advocated in electronic communication over a computer network.

its not forced into someone its learned and taught into us when we were young. then we take it in and carry it as we grow old. wherever we go and whatever we do even though someone's not looking.

some people just dont really care about other people here in the internet. maybe because of freedom. there are no laws restricting the boundaries of certain behavior here. there are rules and given sanctions for every site. some site dont have one. we choose where to browse and stay. where we benefit and becomes happy.

how about people who run a certain site? a person who implement rules?
what if they are the ones who breaks the rules because they are administrators or the owner?
do you think thats just? fair?

i for one do not think so. who am i talking about? lexxis of banidad.com forum community. he implemented not to delete any posts because some are back reading. then again, some violated that.

on october 27 of this year, someone deleted my post in the lounge board. a board for administrators and moderators.

i was pissed off. and before that kissy wouldnt get off my back.

i never intended to hurt anyone. i spoke for all of us. i wanted to suggest something good. and they deleted and disrespected me.

kissy wouldnt speak up to this matter until she spoke to me in my yahoo messenger. she admitted she deleted my post. and the only reason she gave to me was that she was protecting me with all the backstabbing comments.

i do not care what other people say. i really dont need her help, me telling me what to do and especially doing me favors when im not asking her too. from the beginning i never liked her. so why start now? okay, so everybody deserves a chance. but DAMN she wont listen when i told her to talk to the person directly when she got a problem. coward. that was the last time i ever talked to her. im not intending of changing her and im not changing for her either.

i already reported the matter to both of the owners and so far i recall no action on this matter. biased, unfair and special treatment as i see it.

on november 22, lexxis made a thread in the lounge namely "whats wrong with banidad". he wanted all of us to speak up. and we all did and majority of us said that the forum was too strict and some of the rules should be revised. he didnt listen. its was a useless thread actually. display. so some of us resigned. we didnt have a say. its not considered a forum.

november 27 i had another post in creative corner. the thread named "dear diary". my post was again deleted. yeah. it was a bitchy post but i did not violate any rule. how come delete it? oh yeah, so people will know that there is something going on with banidad. i can understand that. im not that stupid. they should at least have my consent before deleting anything. its my intellectual property and they have no right. they are abusing their power. they can get away with everything.

now i proved that lexxis is a real selfish owner. i gave him a chance thats why i posted in his thread. im disappointed. im wrong. false hope. i doesnt really matter anymore. there are far more important things than banidad.

besides, banidad is paying for his/their actions. do they really think that the members are that stupid not to know that there's something going on? they are looking for krisha. the real owner. of course, they wanna know why she left and someday they will know. heck! some even dont post anymore.

banidad was such a happy place when we were there. when everyone talks to each other and says hi. everything is okay.

now? they are too serious and take everything too tight. the processes etc etc and blah blah blah. suffocating and tiring. and i really hope what they are doing will benefit banidad. they continue and go on without us.

i dont really need banidad. im gonna live without it. and so will banidad.

maybe ill post about what really happened why krisha left. as for now, im posting for myself. and for banidad members reading this. you now know why we left. and i suggest, you think which is the right from wrong.

Nosi Balasi by Sampaguita

Wag mong pansinin ang naninira sa ‘yo
Basta’t alam mo lang, tama ang ginagawa mo
Wag mong isipin, wag mong dibdibin
Kung papatulan mo’y lalo ka lang aasarin

[chorus]
Nosi, nosi ba lasi
Sino, sino ba sila
Nosi, nosi ba lasi
Sino, sino ba sila?

Ituloy mo lang, gawin ang gusto mo
Walang mangyayari kung sila’y papansinin mo
Talagang ganyan, wag mo lang patulan
Wala lang magawa kaya sila’y nagkakaganyan

[repeat chorus]

So love this song. HAHA! its self explanatory.

when you care, love and trust a person you would find ways to keep the bond alive.

friends. its funny how i recall things. we build our bond just by a simple post i made on her forum. as the days, weeks and months past by. we grew closer. i find out we have similar things and that we share. i found something in her. a friend.

in time, there are always obstacles that challenge that bond. we experienced that. many people questioned our friendship. commented. said that we are just friends because we need and find "kakampi" in each other. some persons even tried to ruin what we have. we proved them wrong and up until now its strong. still standing. concrete.

we may not talk in a certain site or messenger but we talk on other means. we dont have to shout out to the world how we value each other. we already know that. in fact, i do not care on what they say. just dont meddle with us. dont come up to me and say unnecessary things.

friendship isnt measured by how long you know the person or been with her. its how much you care, love and trust the person. yes. there will be always misunderstandings. it cannot be avoided. surely, no one would like everything to go to waste just because of that. the memories and the feelings. the emotional investments. thats why if we make a mistake, we learn and try to fix things up. start all over again to save all that said investments.

friends are hard to find. value them.

krisha, piya, koi, trixie and joshua. i value you guys and that will never change.
i love you guys. :]

you are my sweetest downfall

You are my sweetest downfall I loved you first, I loved you first Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads But they're just old light, they're just old light Your hair was long when we first met

i love this line on regina spektor's song. whenever i hear this i always think about my boy. he has long hair. he captured my heart. ah. LOVE. the sweetest downfall ive experienced up until now. everyday that im with him, im happy as if we are the only ones living here, in this earth.

yesterday, after my class, the usual. meet ups then eat. after i bought my book and had the tailor take my measurement for my blouse. we decided that we should go to mall of asia. tambay. had ice cream then waited for the fireworks to come up. we bought food and sat over the sea wall seeing the shoreline. simpleng kwentuhan. just the two of us not a care in the world. (mind you, there we many people seating at the sea wall waiting for the fireworks. it was annoying really.) as we watched the fireworks up close, i felt that glitters were falling down on us. or better yet, the colorful stars went just to say hello up close. it was beautiful.

isnt great that everyday of m life, i have him by my side. only me and nothing else. i realized that not only do i have a boyfriend i also have him as my friend. we can talk about any topic without any hesitation or shame. we are open with each other. doesnt keep any secrets. we are able to find and make time for the sake that we love each other's company. walang nagsasawa. everyday is a new day that i will spend just for the two of us.

im selfish. i want everything for him. i dont want distractions anymore. one by one, im going to leave things behind here in my virtual world. not all but keep important things. ive decided that i dont need anything else but him. he is worth everything.

i love him so much.

kung may nagparinig sayo? anong gagawin mo?

kung may nagparinig sayo? anong gagawin mo?
a) papatulan mo?
b) wag mo na pansin?

para sakin, wag na patulan. bakit? bumaba lang breeding ko eh. nagpapatunay lamang na kapag pinaringgan ka. duwag. hindi kaya sayong sabihin eh. hanggang talikuran lang. paano ko nga ba nalaman na ako ang pinaparinggan? nung isang araw nag update ako ng blog. at inilgay ko sa baba "insecurity kills". and it does. it drives people nuts. ng makita ko ang thread na " message to your friends and bestfriends" nakita ko na kinopya nya ang sinabi kong iyon na may strike through font effect pa. ibig sabihin, wow! minamanmanan pala ako! haha! grabe na ganda ko! haha! DAMN TALAGA. HAHA! natatawa ako. natutuwa. WHOO! nd yeah, maturity isnt measured by the years. its measured by how you act, think and speak.

AM I BEAUTIFUL OR WHAT?!

insecurity kills. damn! some people are too "inggit". yes. imagine, im a junior moderator in a forum community. i was banned in my own moderated thread. i dont think its a simple mistake. how can they? are they blind? dont they double check it? there are many administrators and nobody even noticed. nobody even checked when i said "hindi ko nakikita ang die in a crossfire ko". nobody bothered or cared. im no fool. sana lang lumaban sila ng harapan. wag nila abusuhin at gamitin ang kapangyarihan nila bilang administrators. what loosers really.

stereotyping!

okay so you have a picture, looks grungy and dark. you post it somewhere for everybody to see. one comments - "your emo". what the fuck? how can you tell? by the way she looks? so yeah. stereotyping is a tradition. you look clean and dress good. your conyo. dress cheap? jologs. bah! what about these labels that makes people concious about themselves. ah yes. media. we are all zombies. but damn! photostealing and copy cats? i think that's below the belt. no originality. placing your shoes just to imitate someone you think cool. lame. just shoot yourself and bleed to death. haha!

the ex boyfriend.

1.After 1 year of not seeing
each other, muli mong nakita ang ex mo.
Ano ang magiging reaction mo?
. *snob

2 . Saan nakalagay ang picture ng ex
mo?
. wala. sunog na o kaya punit na.

3. Nakasalubong mo ang dati mong
bestfriend na GF/BF na ng ex mo
ngayon. Ano ang gagawin mo?
. oh? pumatol ka sa basura ko? BAGAY.

4. Tinetext mo pa ba ang ex mo?
. nope.

5. May nagbalita sa yo na naaksidente
daw ang ex mo. How would you react?
. who cares, care bears?
. oh talaga? okay.

6. Ano ang naka-entry na name ng ex mo
sa fone mo?
. wala.

7. Kailan ka huling dumaan sa favorite
restaurant nyo ng ex mo?
. pancake house

8. When was the last time you heard
news about your ex?
. mag tratrabaho daw siya sa japan.
. bagsak daw siya sa swimming.

9. Nabalitaan mo na ikakasal na ang ex
mo. Ano reaksyon mu?
. aww. me nagpakasal dun? haha.

10. What's your usual reaction kapag
napapakingg an mo ang theme song nyo ng
ex mo?
. wala lang.

11 . After your break-up, ano ang
ginawa mo to recover?
. ENJOY LIFE. HAVE FUN!

12. Kung meron kang gustong ibigay sa
ex mo, ano yun?
. ah. slimming pill tska master cleanser.

13. Kung gagawing pelikula ang love
story nyo ng ex mo, ano ang gusto mong
maging title?
. wrong love.

14. Kapag nakipagbalikan ang ex mo,
tatanggapin mo ba sya uli?
. tanaw ko palang siya, no na kaagad.

15. You walk into a restaurant at
nakita mo ang ex mo dining out with a
date. Ano ang gagawin mo?
. aww. who cares, care bears?

16. Complete the sentence. "Ang
natutunan ko sa naging relationship
nami n..."
. mali ang umibig kaagad. mali din ang magpakatanga, magpakagago at ibigay ang lahat na halos walang matira sa sarili.

17 . Kung bibigyan ka ng Fairy
Godmother mo ng chance to turn back
time, gugustuhin mo pa bang balikan
ang nakaraan nyo ng ex mo?
. yeap. hindi na sana naging kami.

christina aguilera's - can't hold us down

Christina Aguilera's - Cant hold us down feat Lil Kim

So what am I not supposed to have an opinion
Should I be quiet just because I'm a woman
Call me a bitch cos I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled

When a female fires back
Suddenly big talker don't know how to act
So he does what any little boy would do
Making up a few false rumors or two

That for sure is not a man to me
Slanderin' names for popularity
It's sad you only get your fame through controversy
But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

Chorus:
This is for my girls all around the world
Who've come across a man who don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen, not heard
So what do we do girls?
Shout out loud!
Letting them know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands high and wave them proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Nobody can hold us down
Never can, never will

So what am I not supposed to say what I'm saying
Are you offended by the message I'm bringing
Call me whatever cos your words don't mean a thing
Guess you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing

If you look back in history
It's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore

I don't understand why it's okay
The guy can get away with it & the girl gets named
All my ladies come together and make a change
Start a new beginning for us everybody sing

*Repeat Chorus

[Lil' Kim:]
Check it - Here's something I just can't understand
If the guy have three girls then he's the man
He can either give us some head, sex a roar
If the girl do the same, then she's a whore
But the table's about to turn
I'll bet my fame on it
Cats take my ideas and put their name on it
It's airight though, you can't hold me down
I got to keep on movin'
To all my girls with a man who be tryin to mack
Do it right back to him and let that be that
You need to let him know that his game is whack
And Lil' Kim and Christina Aguilera got your back

But you're just a little boy
Think you're so cute, so coy
You must talk so big
To make up for smaller things
So you're just a little boy
All you'll do is annoy
You must talk so big
To make up for smaller things

*Repeat Chorus x2


My POV on this:
i love this song. why? it talks about the stand of a woman. we should be respected not because we are what we are but because without us there is no man. sure, you are stronger but that doesnt prove anything. that's just the physical aspect. how about emotional? oh yeah sure, we are more sensitive but we can also prove you wrong. we can make you cry and beg for more. intellectual? we are smarter than you think.

we make the world go round. trust me, we do. we deserve respect. we deserve to be loved.
we have the right to take pride in ourselves. we are beautiful beings. creation of the Lord to be here for you. so dont waste the given gift to men.

a man who hurts a woman isnt a man at all. he's just a coward. hurting a person weaker than him.

BULLY.

we are a part of you and accepting that leads to equality.

there is no difference between a man and a woman. both feels love and pain. both need each other. its as simple as that.

The wait is finally over.

Yes! it finally finished! whoo! All the adjustments have been made. And so far, it can stand on its own now. I hope old friends can support and help me on this. Register and be with us now.

wanderlust forums

the long wait is almost over

im still finishing the last touches to my forum. this will signify new life. new beginning and of course new friends. im hoping i can correct my mistakes here and avoid repeating the history. call me an asshole, bitch and biased. i have no plans of inviting those persons who im irked with. so to speak, they are not welcome. if they do join. haha! sure. no prob. but make no mistake about messing around my forum or its members. i wont hesitate banning their IP and deleting their accounts. I'll be putting up their names in my hall of shame. mark my words. yeah. its the net but these people take everything literally and personally. so lets fight fire with fire. kick it up a notch and see who will have the last laugh. haha! >x]

htpp://s3.invisionfree.com/wanderlust

first day of school

woke up real early. yeah. a little bit of excitement. new blockmates. new subjects. gah! if i only knew ill be disappointed. there were no professors today. so much for the bus trip, fare and my energy. should have stayed at home and sleep. well, i did meet my only tow friend in school namely joey and nico. they keep me company while i was waiting. anyway, me and jacer have meet ups as we always do. eat, gala sa mall. fun fun fun! my day wont be complete without him. atleast, he was there even if im kinda sad how my first day turned out to be. im just glad he is there always by my side.